grrr, im getting confused with certain matters lately

totally have no idea how to sort this thing out

and to have the matter fixed

i've to admit that i've got upset with it

im not looking to ruin my friendships

yet, im really bad in handling all these

clearly, things have changed after all

and i've to say that it's not anyone's fault

it seems to be my fault actually..haha

argh, it's probably my bad habit again

as i always expect people to treat me the way i treat them

and get upset easily, especially when they dont do the same

however, it doesnt work at all

and thus, i dare not expect anything and i shouldnt have too

in order not to be dissapointed in return

sounds silly huh!yea, that's me.

therefore, it's a must for me to have some minor changes

as well as adapting myself to any situaion

i should have known that everyone needs space

to catch up with whatever thing which they'd missed out

consequently, i've chosen not to get 'involved' and rather be alone

anyhow, i didnt change much though

even if i did, im just merely changed to be the one

who they wish and want me to be

otherwise, i really dont know what and how to do

in order to figure it out

im lost, im lost again in the friendship's thingy

i clearly know that tears wouldnt help

hence becoming more brave would be the only solution eventually

i want to sort everything out with a smile on my face rather than e a wet pillow

another 20 days more

im gonna say goodbye to malaysia again

and had my 'sexy butt' backed in newcastle.LOL

to be honest, i do feel reluctant to leave

but just stop pondering and worrying

instead appreciate the lil time we've left

from what i've seen

it appears hard for us to get back to how we used to be

yea, it's the time to grow up and wave our hands to childishness

stay happy and appreciate what u have at the moment

no matter how far v're apart

u will always possess a special place in my heart, always

sometimes relationship will change

however, bear in mind that

sweet memories will never ever change

=)

back in my empty room

with my gal, marice by my side

well, she is my lovely dog

which has been staying with my aunt for the past 13 months

and now she is back

but just for a few weeks

since i will be going back to newcastle soon

and cindy was claiming that she's unable to take care both of melody and marice at once

well, it's the 24th days since i've backed to malaysia

as usual, i did nothing much again today

however, i've been reading the blog of some mystery person, aka mr MIA this evening

it leads me to loads of thoughts and had all matters stucked in my mind again

yeah, he is right though, i need to make up my mind

i probably have to stop being the one who i used to be

stop being so sensitive

stop to expect anything from anyone else

stop to be too dependant

and stop being the so called 'crowd' as well

in the past few years

i'd actually ruin quite loads of thing in my life

it's basically my friendship

i've been expecting too much from them

and always wanted to get what i've given

it doesn't work though but just made them to hate me more

and lost them eventually

hence, my dear friends, i hope it's not too late to apologize

*sorry*

i've to admit too that im not a good friend though

as im not a good person

but as what people always say

no one is perfect

at least, i will always try to be as perfect as i can

from this moment onwards

i've to stop pondering whether do i've a special place in their hearts

stop pondering whether im part of their lifes

instead, i need to learn not to expect anything

and yeh, im stil learning

as it is a lesson for lifetime

referring to mr MIA

i've to thank you for everything and it did help me loads

thus im gonna shoutout loud with u

'God, why cant life be simple?'

also, i will shout to the fella

appears in the mirror whenever i had my tooth brushed or face washed

'bastard,can u please fucking be more optimistic!'

LOL! =)

im back

Finally im back!
im back in malaysia
ma tanah air again
LOL

argh, its so f-warm here
n i cant help sweating every single day-hour-minute-second
grrrrrrr!!!!

awww, im missing the weather in NCL
as well as ma lil room 1
n my silky duvet

frankily, it's kinda bored to be here
did nth at home
but just drama, drama n drama

anyhow, ive a new entertainment now
the Beijing Olympic 2008
omg, the athletes r HOT~

another 28 days to go
i ll b back, i promise
see u again northumbria

muackssss
xxx

its 6.17 in the morning

n i jz woke up from my weird dreamz

i wish tat i could hv sum sweet dreamz which may com true

unfortunately, im nt always tat lucky thou

ive a big announcement to make

well, i might not be goin back to malaysia on this coming 20th

ermm, im nt the one who has made this decision

n yeh, its cindy...

i jz hv to obey her as this is the path tat ive chosen

im the one who stand strong n strive so hard for the BVC and stuf

thus im deserve for wateva consequences of it

n im nt gonna look back anymore

dear kv, when i look at ur newly updated blog in a couple of min ago

my tears jz cant help to shed from ma eyes

argh, i hop u ll understd tat im realy helpless at the mo

n everythg isnt under my control thou.

u ll always support me for wateva decision ive made, aint u?

n always miss me n luv me no matter how far vre apart from, aint u?

but im sure tat u ll always sayang me=)

after another 15days

ponder when v ll meet each other again

arghhh, i bet im gonna miss u all very very muchie

n miss those time tat we've spent together

not only in the uk, but also in IPG n penang

no doubt, time is always cruel.

im gonna miss kv's laughter

im gonna miss yun's acting

im gonna miss zin's cincai-ness

im gonna miss rene's pongpong face

from 20th july 2008 onwards

i ll b all alone in room1 flat 2 sharperton house

wish tat loneliness ll b more generous to me

n allow me to get over it by myself

its hard for me thou

but sumhow, i stil nid to figure it out

its time for me to evolve

n to be a stronger version of Benjamin Tan Wei Zhit

dearest frends

no matter how hard it is

i believe that i ll b fine n able to get thru everythg

as wat cheng used to said, its useless to feel regret thou as ive oredi made the decision

anyway, i jz wanna tel u guyz tat

i ll always miss u all

*love u*

again, ive being so lazy to update my blog.grrr!
pui, u r rite, no one ll gonna read it thou

anyway, im too bored at the mo n realy dunno wat to do.LOL

here's the updates.=P

well, im gonna thanks my dear mates for their lovely souviniers

muacksss, they've got it for me from different countries

which realy meant a lot to me
anyhow, i ll step my own feet on those countries one day

first of all, i got this Paris Disneyland T-shirt from my dearest puipui keavie

knw wat, i beg her for the plastic bag, bt she replies : 'i tot im gonna throw this bag away, u wan hor?' OVER! yea, i wan it!

the corak is kinda unique rite as kv always said tat she has got good sense of fashion, as i am.LOL

besides, ive got a perfume gel from france, as well as a chubee keychain from holland, given by my lovely housemate - miss kuih suling -

Paris Disneyland keychain from my ricric darl -mr eric 'bulanlapan'tin - Disneyland is always my favourite vacation n he knows tat.

lastly, a mickey lolipop and a effiel tower keychain from Zin, another tuapui, aka FeiChai Zin. LOL

thx thx thx, thx for the souviniers n i realy apreciate them a lot, another 2 weeks left, all of u ll b goin back to malaysia then

as time flies, thing keep changing. n thus i was wondering, how ll us b in the future

but sadly, no one knows...

grrrr, ive been up for the whole nite again

btw, they're back finally

cant wait see to my puipui dear

i think i shud say my 'souviniers' from her instead!jkjk!

well, miss big mouth has came along to sharperton last9

for the cheesecake making-session

i guez she's gonna post those picz in her blog soon

dun b fooled mates

she's jz kesi kesi act like very gao innit

muahahahaha

but yeh, she did put loads of effort innit =P

as she used her precious fingers( with awful n lut chat black-coloured nails.lol)

to crash the biscuit for the cheesecake-based

as well as 'san san fu fu' apply the whipped cream

to decorate the cheesecake

know wat, she claimed tat she's lost her virginity to me

i mean virginity as to her 1st own-made cheesecake

well big mouth, no worries, its not bad thou

n taste canny delicious!

so, thanks to yr sifu, ahem -ME-

LOL!

nite out with an 'old mate'

peeps, dun misunderstd yeh, she is nt old thou

jz merely a sexy n sluty bitch

muahahaha.neh neh neh~

she is gonna pinch me when she read this then

yeah, thx for the drinks n fries, as well as ur 'cheng teng' noodle

it's awesome to be honest

well, we've been chating non-stop for the whole nite

from the moment v met until the moment i left, lol!

so wat!v're always tat kapsiao rite?

as both of us hv sum similarities

-big mouth-

-sexy back-

-innocent(LOL)-

etc...

p/s: her mouth is bigger for sure =P

kinda enjoy the nite as i can totally be the real me

n loads of doubts have been clarified

its a bit unacceptable in the 1st place

but stil, tats the truth which v nid to get thru rite

gurl, u know wat, u r much more stronger than wat i thought

conversely, ive to admit tat im always weak

but at least i know wat to do now

n everythg ll get sorted soon,

i hope. yeah, it will =)